Your kid missed two shots in the last game, and by Monday morning you're Googling "private shooting coach near me." Sound familiar?
You're not alone. The impulse to fix, to solve, to do something when your kid struggles is wired into every sports parent's DNA. And the youth sports industry knows it. There's a private lesson, a speed camp, a skills clinic, or a position-specific trainer for every insecurity a parent has ever had at 11 PM on a Sunday night.
Some of that extra training is genuinely great. Some of it is your anxiety wearing a baseball cap.
The trick is knowing which one is driving the decision.
The Question You're Probably Not Asking
Before you sign up for anything, ask yourself one thing: who wants this?
Not who would benefit from it. Not who should want it. Who actually brought it up? Because there's a massive difference between a kid who comes home and says "I want to work on my left foot" and a parent who watches a rough game and thinks "she needs to work on her left foot."
One is your kid identifying something they care about. The other is you processing your own discomfort with their performance.
Both feelings are valid. But only one of them should lead to a credit card coming out.
When Extra Training Actually Helps
Extra work can be a game-changer when the conditions are right. Here's what "right" usually looks like.
Your kid asked for it. They came to you. They identified a gap. They want to get better at something specific. That internal drive is worth investing in because the motivation is already there. You're just opening the door.
It fills a real gap their team can't cover. Some team environments don't offer enough reps at certain positions, or the coaching staff doesn't specialize in the skill your kid needs. A few targeted sessions with someone who does can make a real difference, especially during the offseason when there's room in the schedule to breathe.
It's about development, not panic. The best extra training happens when things are calm. When nobody just had a bad game. When nobody's comparing their kid to the one who "clearly got extra coaching over the summer." When the decision is proactive, not reactive, it usually leads to something productive.
When It's Your Anxiety Talking
Now here's the harder part. Sometimes the urge to sign your kid up for more is less about their development and more about your need to feel like you're doing enough.
You're reacting to a single bad game. One rough outing and suddenly you're pricing out personal trainers. Kids have bad days. Adults have bad days. One game is not a trend, and booking a session to "fix" it sends a message that every mistake needs an intervention.
You're comparing. The kid on the travel team has a private coach. The one who made the A-team went to that elite camp last summer. You're not thinking about what your kid needs. You're thinking about what everyone else is doing. That comparison spiral is real, and it will drain your wallet and your kid's joy faster than anything.
Your kid hasn't mentioned it. If the desire for extra training is coming entirely from you, pause. That doesn't mean it's automatically wrong, but it does mean you should have a conversation before you have a transaction. Ask your kid how they feel about their season. What they want to work on. Whether they even want to work on anything right now. You might be surprised by what they say.
The schedule is already full. If your kid is already in team practices, games, and maybe a second sport, adding a private session on top of that isn't development. It's overload. Recovery and unstructured play are where a lot of real athletic growth happens. More is not always more, especially for growing bodies and developing brains.
The Conversation That Changes Everything
Here's a script that works. Next time you feel the urge, try sitting down with your kid and saying something like: "Hey, I noticed you seemed frustrated after the game. Is there anything you want to work on, or are you good?"
Then wait. Actually wait.
If they say "I want to get better at free throws," awesome. Help them find the right person. If they say "I'm fine, can I play Fortnite?" that's useful information too. Their answer tells you whether the extra training is for them or for you.
The Real Investment
The families who get this right tend to follow a simple pattern. They let their kid lead. They invest in skill work when their kid is motivated and the timing makes sense. They resist the urge to panic-buy development after a tough weekend. And they remember that the most important thing they can give their kid isn't another training session.
It's the confidence that comes from knowing their parent isn't trying to fix them every time they mess up.
Your kid doesn't need to be optimized. They need to be supported. And sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is put your phone down, close the browser tab with the private coaching packages, and just let them play.
Ian Goldberg is the CEO of Signature Media and the Editor of the largest and fastest growing sports parenting newsletter. He's been recognized as an industry expert by the National Alliance for Youth Sports, the US Olympic Committee's Truesport, and the Aspen Institute's Project Play. Ian is also a suburban NJ sports dad of two teenage daughters and has over 2,000 hours of volunteer time coaching them (which he calls the most fun form of R&D for his newsletter content). Ian and his team provide players, coaches, parents and program directors with the articles and content they need to have a great sports season. Ian has spent most of his career in digital product development and marketing and got his start at the White House where he worked for the economic advisors to two US Presidents.
