Remember when you couldn't get them to stop talking about their sport? When they wore their jersey to school on non-game days? When the car ride to practice was all excitement and the car ride home was a full play-by-play recap you didn't ask for but secretly loved?
Now the car ride to practice is quiet. The jersey lives in the bottom of the hamper. And last Tuesday, you caught yourself saying "if you go to practice, we can get ice cream after" like it was a battle.
Something shifted. You felt it before you could name it. And now you're wondering: is my kid still having fun?
Why This Question Matters More Than Their Stats
Fun is the single biggest predictor of whether a kid stays in sports. Not talent. Not the team they're on. Not the coaching. According to research from the Aspen Institute's Project Play, the number one reason kids quit sports is because they stopped enjoying it. That's it.
The tricky part is that kids don't usually announce when the fun stops. They don't come to you and say "I've lost my intrinsic motivation and I'm experiencing diminishing returns on my emotional investment." They just get quieter. They drag their feet a little more. They stop caring about things they used to care about a lot.
And because it happens gradually, most parents don't notice until the kid is already halfway out the door.
The Signs They're Still in It
Before we get to the hard stuff, here's what "having fun" actually looks like in a kid who's genuinely engaged. None of these require a championship or a starting spot.
They talk about it without being asked. At dinner. In the car. To their friends. A kid who is enjoying their sport brings it home with them. Not because they're obsessed, but because it's a part of their life that feels good. If your kid is voluntarily telling you about practice, that's a green light.
They're excited about their teammates. They want to know who's going to be at practice. They have inside jokes from the bench. They text the group chat. The social piece of youth sports is enormous, and a kid who loves their team usually loves showing up.
They mess around with their sport outside of organized time. Shooting hoops in the driveway. Kicking a ball against the garage. Practicing their swing with an invisible bat while waiting in line at the grocery store. Unstructured, voluntary play is the purest indicator that the joy is still there.
They bounce back from bad days. A tough practice or a loss stings, but it doesn't linger for days. They're disappointed and then they move on. Resilience after setbacks is a sign that the sport still feels safe and worth the effort.
The Signs the Fun Is Fading
These are quieter. Easier to miss. And often mistaken for laziness, attitude problems, or "just a phase."
The pre-practice resistance is new. Every kid has days where they don't feel like going. That's normal. But if the resistance is consistent, if getting them to practice feels like a weekly negotiation, something deeper is happening. Pay attention to when it started and what else changed around the same time.
They've stopped talking about it. You ask "how was practice?" and get a shrug. You ask about the game and get "fine." The kid who used to narrate their entire experience now treats it like something they endured rather than enjoyed. Silence is data.
Physical complaints that come and go conveniently. The stomach hurts before practice but clears up when practice gets canceled. The knee is sore on game day but fine by Sunday. Kids who can't articulate "I don't want to do this anymore" often use their body to say it for them. That doesn't mean every complaint is fake. But patterns are worth noticing.
They're going through the motions. They show up. They participate. But the effort is hollow. The intensity that used to be automatic now looks like a kid doing the minimum to get through it. They're physically present and mentally somewhere else entirely.
They've lost interest in improvement. They used to want to get better. Now they don't care about making the team, earning a position, or working on something specific. When the desire to grow disappears, the fun usually already has.
How to Actually Track This (Without Making It Weird)
Most parents try to assess their kid's enjoyment through conversation. That works sometimes. But kids, especially tweens and teens, aren't always going to give you a straight answer about how they feel.
One approach that works surprisingly well is keeping a simple log for yourself. Not a surveillance spreadsheet. Just a small notebook you keep in the kitchen or your nightstand where you jot down a few things each week. Did they seem excited before practice? Were they chatty after the game? Did they resist going? Did they mention anything about their team or coach, positive or negative?
Over a few weeks, patterns emerge that you can't see in real time. A kid who had one bad week looks different on paper than a kid who's had six bad weeks in a row. The log gives you clarity when your gut isn't sure.
Some families do this on a dry erase board on the fridge. A simple question like "best part of your week?" that everyone in the family answers. It's low pressure, it's visible, and it gives your kid a way to share without being put on the spot. If sports consistently show up in their answers, great. If sports never show up, that's information.
For the more structured parent, a guided family journal with weekly prompts can open conversations that wouldn't happen organically. Not about sports specifically, but about what's making them happy, what's feeling hard, what they're looking forward to. Sports will come up naturally if they're a source of joy. And their absence will tell you something too.
The Conversation That Needs to Happen
If the signs are pointing toward fading fun, don't wait for it to become a crisis. And don't lead with "do you want to quit?" That question is too big and too loaded.
Try something smaller. "What's your favorite part of being on the team right now?" See what they say. If they light up, you've got something to work with. If they stare at you blankly, that's your opening.
You can also try "if you could change one thing about your season, what would it be?" This gives them permission to name a problem without declaring they're done. Sometimes the fix is simple. A different position. A conversation with the coach. A break between seasons. Sometimes the fix is bigger than that.
Either way, the goal isn't to convince them to stay or let them quit. The goal is to understand what they're actually experiencing, because you can't help with something you can't see.
The Hardest Part for You
Watching your kid lose interest in something you've invested time, money, and emotional energy into is genuinely hard. You drove the carpools. You paid the fees. You sat through the cold games and the early mornings. And now they might be done?
That grief is real. Let yourself feel it. But don't let it become pressure on your kid to keep going. Because a kid who stays in a sport to protect their parent's investment isn't having fun. They're performing obligation. And that's a different thing entirely.
Your kid's relationship with sports is going to evolve. It might shrink. It might shift to a different sport. It might take a break and come back stronger. Your job is to keep the door open, pay attention to what they're telling you (especially when they're not using words), and trust that a kid who feels seen is a kid who keeps showing up, in sports and in life.
Ian Goldberg is the CEO of Signature Media and the Editor of the largest and fastest growing sports parenting newsletter. He's been recognized as an industry expert by the National Alliance for Youth Sports, the US Olympic Committee's Truesport, and the Aspen Institute's Project Play. Ian is also a suburban NJ sports dad of two teenage daughters and has over 2,000 hours of volunteer time coaching them (which he calls the most fun form of R&D for his newsletter content). Ian and his team provide players, coaches, parents and program directors with the articles and content they need to have a great sports season. Ian has spent most of his career in digital product development and marketing and got his start at the White House where he worked for the economic advisors to two US Presidents.
