Coaches are a special breed. They show up early, stay late, and somehow maintain their composure when a nine-year-old asks to go to the bathroom for the fourth time during practice. They do it because they love the game and they love watching kids grow. But there are a few things they wish parents understood—things they're often too polite (or too exhausted) to say out loud.
Consider this your behind-the-scenes guide to what's really going on in your kid's coach's head.
They Actually Know What They're Doing
This might sound obvious, but it bears repeating: coaches have a plan. They've thought about the lineup. They've considered the rotation. They have reasons for what they're doing, even if those reasons aren't immediately clear from the bleachers.
That doesn't mean they're perfect or beyond feedback. But approaching them with "Can you help me understand...?" lands a lot better than "Why didn't you...?" Trust that they want the best for your kid. Because they do. They're just also trying to do what's best for twelve other kids at the same time.
The Sideline Energy? They Notice It.
Coaches hear the grumbling. They feel the tension when the parent section gets restless. And honestly? It makes their job harder.
When parents cheer for effort, celebrate hustle, and keep the commentary constructive, the whole team plays looser. When the sideline turns into a pressure cooker of second-guessing and ref complaints, kids tighten up. They stop taking risks. They start playing not to mess up instead of playing to win.
You don't have to be a cheerleader. But a calm, supportive presence goes further than you'd think.
Helicopter Parenting Doesn't Help
Your kid doesn't need you to fight their battles, negotiate their playing time, or debrief every practice in the car. They need space to figure things out on their own—including the hard stuff.
Coaches see what happens when parents hover too closely: kids burn out faster, lose their intrinsic motivation, and start playing for their parents instead of themselves. The best thing you can do is step back, let them own their experience, and be there when they want to talk. Not before.
Winning Isn't the Point (Yet)
Yes, winning is fun. Yes, kids like it. But in youth sports, development matters more than the scoreboard. Coaches are thinking about skill-building, confidence, game IQ, and long-term growth—not just this Saturday's result.
If your kid is learning, improving, and still excited to show up, that's a successful season. Even if the record doesn't reflect it. Trust the process. The wins will come.
Punctuality Is a Love Language
You know what makes a coach's day? When practice starts on time because everyone actually showed up on time.
Running late happens. Life is chaotic. But chronic lateness throws off the whole rhythm—warm-ups get rushed, drills get cut short, and the coach spends the first ten minutes doing a headcount instead of coaching. Showing up on time is one of the easiest ways to say "I respect what you're doing here."
Support > Pressure (Every Time)
There's a difference between supporting your kid and pressuring them. Support sounds like "I love watching you play." Pressure sounds like "You should've taken that shot."
Kids feel the weight of expectations, even when parents think they're being subtle. (Spoiler: they're not being subtle.) Coaches would love for every parent to focus on effort, attitude, and enjoyment—and let go of the rest. Your kid will play better and have more fun. Everybody wins.
Multi-Sport Kids Are a Gift
Coaches know something that gets lost in the youth sports arms race: specializing too early usually backfires. Kids who play multiple sports tend to be more athletic, more coachable, and less likely to burn out or get injured.
So if your kid wants to try soccer in the spring and basketball in the winter and baseball in the summer? Let them. The "what if they fall behind?" fear is mostly a myth. The best athletes are often the ones who played everything.
Want to Help? Just Ask.
Coaches aren't looking for parents to take over. But a simple "What can I do to help?" goes a long way. Maybe it's bringing the snack. Maybe it's wrangling the equipment. Maybe it's just being the parent who doesn't add drama.
Your involvement—when it's positive and low-key—makes the season better for everyone. Including your kid.
The Big Picture
At the end of the day, coaches want the same thing you do: for your kid to grow, have fun, and fall in love with the game. They're not the enemy. They're not out to sabotage your child's athletic future. They're doing their best with limited time, limited resources, and a whole lot of kids who need attention.
Give them grace. Trust their process. And if something's really bothering you, talk to them directly—calmly, privately, and with curiosity instead of accusations.
Your kid is watching how you handle it. Make it a lesson worth learning.
Ian Goldberg is the CEO of Signature Media and the Editor of the largest and fastest growing sports parenting newsletter. He’s been recognized as an industry expert by the National Alliance for Youth Sports, the US Olympic Committee’s Truesport, and the Aspen Institute's Project Play. Ian is also a suburban NJ sports dad of two teenage daughters and has over 2,000 hours of volunteer time coaching them (which he calls the most fun form of R&D for his newsletter content). Ian and his team provide players, coaches, parents and program directors with the articles and content they need to have a great sports season. Ian has spent most of his career in digital product development and marketing and got his start at the White House where he worked for the economic advisors to two US Presidents.
