Every coach talks about hard work and commitment, usually with the kind of intensity that makes you wonder if they've had their first coffee yet. But one of the most overlooked tools for helping kids grow—and actually stay in the game—is goal-setting. Done well, it gives athletes a clear sense of direction, boosts motivation, and makes practices more purposeful. Done poorly, it piles on pressure and sucks the joy out of sports faster than a rainy tournament weekend.
The difference comes down to the type of goals we set and how we set them. And spoiler alert: most of us are doing it wrong.
The Right Kind of Goals (Process Over Everything)
Process goals beat outcome goals every single time. Kids thrive when their goals focus on how they play, not just what the scoreboard says at the final whistle. A good process goal might be "scan the field before your first touch" or "use proper form on 7 of 10 serves." These goals sharpen attention and reward effort in ways that kids can actually control.
Contrast that with outcome-only goals like "score twice today" or "win this game." Those raise pressure without giving kids any actionable steps to get there. When the only goal is winning and your team loses, what did your child learn? That they failed? That's not development—that's just anxiety with a jersey on.
Similarly, mastery goals trump comparison goals. Kids show more discipline and motivation when they're measured against themselves rather than constantly stacked up against teammates. Focus on learning, progress, and persistence—things they actually control—instead of comparing stats that may have nothing to do with their actual contribution to the team.
What Works for Different Ages
Younger kids (U8-U11):
Keep it playful and skill-based. Try "use your left foot for three passes today" or "call for the ball using a teammate's name." The goal here is exploration and building habits, not perfection or winning. If your 9-year-old's biggest takeaway from practice is that they tried something new and didn't die of embarrassment, that's a win.
Middle years (U12-U14):
Layer in simple performance indicators that connect to actual game situations. Examples: "Win back the ball within three seconds after a turnover" or "communicate with your defender on every corner kick." These ages can handle slightly more complexity, but keep it concrete and observable.
Teens (U15-U18):
Combine process goals with light outcome goals. Example: "Stay calm and use your pre-shot routine on every free throw" (process) while keeping the team playoff goal visible (outcome). The outcome can motivate, but it should never replace the focus on controllable actions. Teenagers are already drowning in performance anxiety from school, social life, and college pressure—don't make sports another place where only results matter.
How to Make Goals Actually Stick
Co-create, don't dictate.
Let athletes pick their own cue word or decide which skill they want to focus on this week. When kids have ownership over their goals, they're exponentially more likely to care about achieving them. Handing them a pre-printed goal sheet you filled out accomplishes nothing except creating more paper for the recycling bin.
Pair goals with "if-then" plans.
Example: "If I rush my serve toss, then I reset with one deep breath and start over." These mini-scripts help kids stick with their goals when nerves hit or when the game gets chaotic. It's basically giving them a roadmap for when things go sideways, which in youth sports is approximately every seven minutes.
Use short feedback loops.
Don't wait until the car ride home to mention you noticed something. Check in mid-practice: "You looked upfield before that pass—exactly what we talked about." Keep goals visible on a card or whiteboard and adjust them often based on what you're actually seeing. Goals that sit untouched for three weeks aren't goals—they're decorations.
Pitfalls That Sabotage Everything
Setting too many goals at once guarantees kids will accomplish exactly none of them. Focus beats overload every time. Pick one or two meaningful goals, not seven.
Over-relying on leaderboards or public comparisons feeds ego over mastery. Yes, some kids respond to competition, but when the entire system revolves around who's ranked where, you've created an environment where kids learn to protect their status rather than take the risks necessary for growth.
Making goals purely numeric without connection to actual game actions is just busywork with a stopwatch. "Run 20 laps" tells kids nothing about how that connects to playing better defense or maintaining energy in the fourth quarter. Tie every goal to something that matters on the field, or don't bother setting it.
The Bigger Picture
Goal-setting isn't about piling more tasks onto already-overwhelmed kids and parents. It's about giving young athletes a simple framework that connects effort with improvement in a way they can actually see and feel. When kids feel in control of their progress rather than at the mercy of coaches' lineup decisions or referees' questionable calls, they stay motivated, enjoy sports more, and—most importantly—stick with it for the long run.
The takeaway: Don't set goals just to win more games this season. Set goals that help kids learn better, think clearer, and build skills that transfer beyond the field. The wins tend to follow when you get the process right. And if they don't? Your child still gained something valuable, which is more than you can say for a trophy that sits in a basement collecting dust.
Ian Goldberg is the CEO of Signature Media and the Editor of the largest and fastest growing sports parenting newsletter. He’s been recognized as an industry expert by the National Alliance for Youth Sports, the US Olympic Committee’s Truesport, and the Aspen Institute's Project Play. Ian is also a suburban NJ sports dad of two teenage daughters and has over 2,000 hours of volunteer time coaching them (which he calls the most fun form of R&D for his newsletter content). Ian and his team provide players, coaches, parents and program directors with the articles and content they need to have a great sports season. Ian has spent most of his career in digital product development and marketing and got his start at the White House where he worked for the economic advisors to two US Presidents.
