Watch young athletes explain how their buddies helped fill their emotional tanks during practice—in their own words.
You make sure your kid eats before the game. You pack snacks. You bring the water bottle (and then the backup water bottle when they inevitably forget the first one). You're fueling their body for competition.
But what about their emotions?
What's an Emotional Tank?
Here's a concept that's been around for a while, but if you're just hearing about it now, don't worry—I was late to this party too. The idea comes from Jim Thompson and the team at Positive Coaching Alliance, and it's simple: just like kids need physical fuel to perform, they need emotional fuel too.
Think of it as a tank. When it's full, your kid feels confident, motivated, and resilient. When it's empty, every mistake feels bigger, every criticism stings more, and their performance suffers.
Parents and coaches can definitely help fill that tank with encouragement and support. But here's what makes the real difference: teammates filling each other's tanks.
Enter: The Buddy System
Yes, the same buddy system from field trips and swimming lessons. And yes, it works brilliantly for youth sports.
I tried this with my daughter's U10 soccer team, fully expecting eye rolls. Instead, the girls took to it immediately. Here's how it works:
Each player gets paired with a buddy. That buddy has one job: fill their partner's emotional tank. That means celebrating their accomplishments AND helping them shake off mistakes.
It's not complicated. It's not a big program. It's just two kids looking out for each other.
What It Actually Looks Like
After practice one day, I asked the girls to share what their buddy did that helped them. Here's what they said:
Megan's buddy: "Every time I missed the ball at first, she always helped me and told me to brush it off, so I didn't feel that bad about missing the ball."
Tori's buddy: "I liked how she was encouraging me after I made that mistake... when I did it the next time and I didn't [mess up], I felt happy with myself because Tori picked me up."
Jessica's buddy: "She would always use her alligators [catching technique], and that made me think of it and use it too."
Notice what's happening here? These kids aren't just being nice. They're actively coaching each other, modeling good technique, and creating a safety net for mistakes.
Why This Works Better Than Coach/Parent Encouragement
Look, your encouragement matters. The coach's feedback matters. But there's something powerful about a peer saying "shake it off" that hits differently than when a parent says it.
When it comes from a teammate, kids believe it more. There's no parent-child dynamic, no authority figure telling them what they should feel. It's just a kid who gets it, who's right there in the trenches with them, saying "we're good."
Plus, it takes the pressure off the coach to be the sole source of positivity. The kids start doing the emotional work for each other.
How to Set Up Your Own Buddy System
Step 1: Pair them up At the start of practice or the season, assign buddies. You can rotate them every few weeks or keep them for the season—whatever works for your team.
Step 2: Explain the job Tell them: "Your buddy's job is to fill your emotional tank. That means when you do something good, they celebrate with you. When you make a mistake, they help you brush it off. You're taking care of each other."
Step 3: Model what it looks like Give examples: "Great pass, buddy!" "Shake it off, you got the next one!" "I saw what you did there—nice job!"
Step 4: Check in periodically Every few practices, ask: "What did your buddy do that helped you today?" This reinforces the behavior and lets kids hear examples from each other.
Step 5: Let it become part of your team culture Once it clicks, you won't need to remind them. They'll just do it.
What Parents Can Do
If your kid's coach hasn't implemented this, you can still use the concept at home. Ask your child:
"Who on your team picks you up when you make a mistake?" "Who could you help encourage more at practice?" "What's one thing you could say to a teammate who's having a rough game?"
Even if there's no formal buddy system, you're planting the seed that being a good teammate means more than just playing well—it means helping others play well too.
The Real Win
Here's what I love most about the buddy system: it puts leadership and accountability in the hands of the kids themselves. They're not waiting for the coach to motivate them or for parents to build them up. They're doing it for each other.
And that's the kind of teammate—and person—you want your kid to become.
So go ahead, give it a try. The worst that happens? Your kid learns to be more encouraging. The best that happens? Your whole team shows up with full emotional tanks, ready to compete and support each other no matter what happens on the field.
Ian Goldberg is the CEO of Signature Media and the Editor of the largest and fastest growing sports parenting newsletter. He’s been recognized as an industry expert by the National Alliance for Youth Sports, the US Olympic Committee’s Truesport, and the Aspen Institute's Project Play. Ian is also a suburban NJ sports dad of two teenage daughters and has over 2,000 hours of volunteer time coaching them (which he calls the most fun form of R&D for his newsletter content). Ian and his team provide players, coaches, parents and program directors with the articles and content they need to have a great sports season. Ian has spent most of his career in digital product development and marketing and got his start at the White House where he worked for the economic advisors to two US Presidents.
