You know the coach. The one who screams at kids until they cry. The one who plays favorites so obviously that parents talk about it in the parking lot. The one who takes credit for every win and blames players for every loss.
Maybe you've had your kid play for this coach. Maybe you are this coach and don't realize it yet. Either way, toxic coaching is poison to youth sports, and it's time we talked about what it looks like and why it matters.
Coaches shape more than just athletic skills. They influence how kids view themselves, handle adversity, and approach teamwork for the rest of their lives. When that influence is positive, sports become transformative. When it's toxic, sports become traumatic.
Here are the red flags that signal a coach is creating a toxic culture, and what it costs your team.
Verbal and Emotional Abuse
Let's start with the most obvious one: coaches who yell, belittle, and use derogatory language toward their players.
Some coaches justify this approach as "tough love" or claim they're just trying to motivate athletes. But here's the reality: abuse doesn't motivate. It destroys.
When a coach constantly tears players down, those kids don't develop thicker skin or stronger character. They develop anxiety. They lose confidence. They start associating sports with fear and shame instead of growth and joy.
The long-term damage is real. Players burn out. They develop mental health issues. Talented athletes quit the sport entirely because the emotional toll isn't worth it anymore.
There's a massive difference between holding players accountable and making them feel worthless. Good coaches can be demanding without being demeaning. Toxic coaches don't know the difference.
Favoritism
Every parent can spot the coach who plays favorites. It's the coach who gives certain kids endless chances while benching others for a single mistake. It's the coach whose starting lineup never changes, no matter who's working hardest in practice.
Favoritism doesn't just create resentment. It destroys the entire foundation of what sports are supposed to teach: that hard work pays off, that you earn what you get, that everyone has a fair shot.
When players see that effort doesn't matter because the coach has already decided who the "chosen ones" are, they stop trying. Team morale crumbles. The kids who aren't favored feel invisible. The kids who are favored feel pressure to maintain their status instead of just playing.
And here's the kicker: favoritism hurts everyone, including the favored players. They don't learn resilience or accountability because they've never had to earn anything. When they eventually face a coach or a situation where their status doesn't protect them, they're unprepared.
Fair doesn't always mean equal, but it does mean your decisions are based on merit, not personal preference. When coaches can't make that distinction, everyone loses.
Lack of Communication
Good coaching requires clear communication. Toxic coaches either don't communicate at all, or they communicate in ways that leave everyone confused and frustrated.
When coaches fail to explain their expectations, strategies, or feedback, players are left guessing. They don't know what they're supposed to be doing, how they can improve, or why they're sitting on the bench. That uncertainty breeds frustration and disengagement.
Just as damaging is the coach who refuses to listen. When players try to voice concerns or offer ideas and get shut down, they learn that their input doesn't matter. That one-sided dynamic kills collaboration and trust.
Communication goes both ways. Coaches should be clear about what they expect, and they should be willing to hear what players have to say. When that exchange exists, teams thrive. When it doesn't, teams fall apart.
Resistance to Change
Sports evolve. Tactics change. New research emerges on training, nutrition, and athlete development. But some coaches refuse to adapt.
Whether it's clinging to outdated strategies, ignoring feedback, or dismissing new ideas because "this is how we've always done it," a coach who resists change holds the entire team back.
Players notice when they're being taught the same drills their coach learned 20 years ago. They notice when their coach refuses to try something new, even when what they're doing clearly isn't working. And they get frustrated.
Resistance to change signals that a coach cares more about their ego than their team's success. It tells players that growth and improvement aren't actually priorities. And it leads to stagnation.
Forward-thinking coaches stay curious. They learn from other coaches. They try new approaches. They admit when something isn't working and pivot. That willingness to evolve is what separates good coaches from toxic ones.
Lack of Accountability
Here's one of the biggest signs of a toxic coach: they never take responsibility for anything.
When the team loses, it's the players' fault. When a strategy doesn't work, it's because the refs were bad or the other team got lucky. When parents raise concerns, it's because they're "helicopter parents" who don't understand the game.
Toxic coaches deflect, blame, and refuse to own their mistakes. And in doing so, they set a terrible example.
In a healthy team culture, accountability is shared. Coaches and players both take responsibility for their actions and decisions. When something goes wrong, everyone asks, "What could we have done better?" not "Who can we blame?"
When a coach demonstrates accountability, players learn to do the same. They become more resilient, more self-aware, and better equipped to learn from failure. When a coach refuses accountability, players learn to make excuses and point fingers instead.
What This Costs Your Team
Toxic coaching doesn't just make sports less enjoyable. It actively harms young athletes.
It damages their self-esteem and mental health. It teaches them that abuse is acceptable if it comes from an authority figure. It makes them associate sports with fear, shame, and inadequacy instead of growth and accomplishment.
It also ruins team performance. When players don't trust their coach, don't feel valued, and don't believe their effort matters, they stop giving their best. Talent alone can't overcome a toxic culture.
And it drives kids away from sports entirely. Every year, talented athletes quit because the emotional toll of playing for a toxic coach isn't worth it. That's not just a loss for the team. It's a loss for the kid who could have benefited from years of sports participation.
What Parents and Players Can Do
If you're a parent watching your child play for a toxic coach, you have options.
Start by documenting specific behaviors. Vague complaints like "the coach is mean" are easy to dismiss. Concrete examples like "the coach called my son an idiot in front of the team after he missed a shot" are harder to ignore.
Talk to other parents. If your kid isn't the only one experiencing this, there's strength in numbers. Approach the athletic director or league administrator as a group with specific concerns and examples.
Give your child the tools to cope. Remind them that the coach's behavior says more about the coach than it does about them. Help them separate their self-worth from their playing time or their coach's opinion.
And if nothing changes, don't be afraid to walk away. Your child's mental health and love of sports are more important than staying on a toxic team. There are other teams, other coaches, and other opportunities that won't cost your kid their confidence and joy.
What Coaches Can Do
If you're a coach reading this and recognizing yourself in any of these behaviors, the good news is you can change.
Get training. Learn about positive coaching techniques, athlete development, and how to create a healthy team culture. Organizations like Positive Coaching Alliance offer resources specifically for this.
Ask for feedback from your players and their parents. Create anonymous ways for them to share concerns so you can understand how your coaching is actually landing.
Work on self-awareness. Pay attention to your emotions during games and practices. Are you coaching from a place of wanting your players to succeed, or from a place of ego and control?
And remember: your job isn't to produce professional athletes. It's to help young people grow through sports. If your coaching methods are causing harm instead of growth, something needs to change.
The Bottom Line
A coach's impact on a team is immeasurable. They shape not just athletic performance, but character, confidence, and how kids see themselves.
Toxic coaches destroy more than just team morale. They damage the mental and emotional well-being of young athletes in ways that can last long after the season ends.
Sports organizations, parents, and players all have a responsibility to recognize toxic coaching behaviors and address them. That means calling it out, supporting affected athletes, and holding coaches accountable for the culture they create.
Every kid deserves a coach who challenges them, supports them, and helps them grow. Anything less isn't just bad coaching. It's harmful. And it has no place in youth sports.
Ian Goldberg is the CEO of Signature Media and the Editor of the largest and fastest growing sports parenting newsletter. He’s been recognized as an industry expert by the National Alliance for Youth Sports, the US Olympic Committee’s Truesport, and the Aspen Institute's Project Play. Ian is also a suburban NJ sports dad of two teenage daughters and has over 2,000 hours of volunteer time coaching them (which he calls the most fun form of R&D for his newsletter content). Ian and his team provide players, coaches, parents and program directors with the articles and content they need to have a great sports season. Ian has spent most of his career in digital product development and marketing and got his start at the White House where he worked for the economic advisors to two US Presidents.
