Here's something that surprised me. When I ask people about their youth sports experience and what their parents did that helped them succeed, on the field or off, they rarely talk about what their parents did. They talk about what their parents didn't do.
No sideline coaching. No post-game critiques. No comparing them to teammates. No living vicariously through their performance.
The best sports parents aren't defined by their involvement. They're defined by their restraint.
That's not intuitive. We want to help. We want to support. We want to give our kids every advantage. But sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is step back, stay quiet, and let your child own their experience.
Here are nine things the best sports parents consistently avoid.
They Don't Overreact to Injuries
Sports are physical. Your kid is going to go down at some point. They'll take an elbow, get hit by a ball, land awkwardly, and look like they're in real pain.
Your instinct will be to run onto the field. Resist it.
About 90 percent of the time, it's not serious. Coaches and referees are trained to handle these moments. They'll call you over if they need you. Running onto the field when you're not needed undermines your coach, embarrasses your child, and signals to everyone that you don't trust the adults in charge.
When it is serious, a broken bone, a concussion, a knocked-out tooth, what's needed most is a parent who can stay calm and make rational decisions. Panic doesn't help anyone, least of all your kid.
Trust the process. Let the coach be the first responder. Be ready if you're needed, but don't assume you're needed every time your child hits the ground.
They Don't Use "I Told You So" or "You Should Have"
Your 9-year-old loses his baseball glove. The temptation is to say "I told you to put it in your bag" or to fix the problem by running to the store for a new one.
Both responses miss the opportunity.
Instead, help your child learn. Take them back to the field and show them how to retrace their steps. If you need to buy a replacement, bring them with you and let them contribute some of their allowance toward the purchase.
Kids take better care of their belongings when they understand what things cost and how much work goes into replacing them. Shaming doesn't teach that lesson. Fixing the problem for them doesn't either. Walking through the consequence together does.
Mistakes are teachable moments, but only if you treat them that way instead of treating them as opportunities to prove you were right.
They Don't Overindulge in Equipment
The $200 Jordans. The $350 bat. The top-of-the-line glove. There's always a compelling argument for why your child needs the best gear.
Here's the reality: equipment won't make your child a better athlete. And kids learn to appreciate what they have by not having everything.
Instant gratification is fleeting. When you buy your child whatever they ask for, the happiness lasts about as long as the car ride home. When they have to wait for something, or work toward it, or save for it, they appreciate it more when they finally get it.
This doesn't mean your kid should play with broken equipment. It means the newest, most expensive option isn't always the right choice, especially when the motivation is keeping up with what other families are buying.
They Don't Focus on Failure
When your child encounters something new, you want them to feel challenged, not intimidated. If all they can see are the ways they might fail, they're less likely to try.
The language you use matters. "You're a hard worker" builds identity. "I love how you stayed on base even though you were nervous about getting hit" acknowledges courage. These phrases help kids believe they're capable of succeeding at difficult things.
Focusing on what went wrong, especially right after it happens, does the opposite. It teaches kids to see their limitations first. Over time, they stop trying new things because the risk of failure feels too high.
Encourage effort. Acknowledge bravery. Let failure be part of the process without making it the headline.
They Don't Orchestrate Their Children's Teams
There's nothing wrong with organizing a team with families you enjoy. But if you're blackballing less talented kids to build an all-star squad that will win, you're missing the point.
Sports are one of the best places for kids to learn about difference. Different skill levels, different backgrounds, different personalities. The child who struggles teaches your child patience and empathy. The child who excels teaches aspiration. The mix is the value.
Good sports parents don't grumble when "that kid" ends up on their team. They understand that celebrating a teammate who finally gets on base after struggling all season teaches lessons that winning a championship never will.
Your child will play on teams with people they didn't choose for the rest of their life. Youth sports is where they learn how to do that well.
They Don't Sugarcoat
Piling on praise for every small thing actually makes kids less motivated over time. They know when they didn't perform well. They expect you to know it too.
It's okay for your child to feel disappointed or frustrated. Those emotions are part of growth. Your job isn't to make the feelings go away. It's to sit with them without taking them on as your own.
"That was a tough game. I could see you were frustrated out there." That's honest. That's supportive. That's different from "You did great!" when everyone knows they didn't.
Kids trust parents who tell the truth. When you sugarcoat, they learn that your feedback isn't reliable. When you're honest with kindness, they learn they can come to you with real problems.
They Don't Compare Their Kid to Others
It's natural to notice how other kids perform and wonder how your child measures up. But comparison is a trap.
No two children develop at the same pace. Your child's teammate might be more physically developed, have different genes, or simply be further along in their growth. What motivates one kid doesn't motivate another.
Comparing lowers self-esteem. It sends the message that your child's value depends on how they stack up against someone else. That's a recipe for anxiety, not improvement.
Instead of comparing points scored or goals blocked, focus on effort and specific strengths. "I loved how you high-fived your teammate after he scored. That was a really classy move." You're still giving feedback. You're just measuring against values instead of other kids.
They Don't Compete Through Their Children
If you're in a terrible mood when your child loses, if you're yelling at them to swing faster or focus harder, if their performance affects your emotional state, you're probably competing through them.
Most of us do this to some degree. We tell ourselves stories: "I would have been a better athlete if my parents had been more involved." "I would have played in college if I'd had these opportunities." We want our kids to succeed where we fell short.
But when you desperately need your child to win, ask yourself why. Is it for them, or is it for you? Does their excellence make you feel better about yourself?
Your child's sports experience belongs to them. They get to have their own relationship with winning and losing, with effort and disappointment. When you compete through them, you take that away.
They Don't Forget to Enjoy the Process
One day you're going to miss this. The 7-year-old in the outfield digging for bugs during the game. The daughter more excited about the post-game snack than the soccer. The driving, the schlepping, the smelly equipment in your car.
The chances of youth sports leading to a college scholarship or professional career are slim. If you make all of this about a destination that's nearly impossible to reach, you'll miss everything that happens along the way.
The journey is the point. The friendships, the lessons, the small moments of growth, the family time on the sidelines. That's what your child will remember. That's what you'll remember.
Don't be so focused on what comes next that you forget to be present for what's happening now.
The Through Line
These nine habits share something in common: they require restraint. Restraint when you want to protect. Restraint when you want to fix. Restraint when you want to push, compare, or control.
The best sports parents aren't passive. They're intentional about when to step in and when to step back. They understand that their child's sports experience isn't theirs to manage. It's theirs to support.
That's harder than it sounds. But it's also the gift your child will remember long after the games are over.
Ian Goldberg is the CEO of Signature Media and the Editor of the largest and fastest growing sports parenting newsletter. He’s been recognized as an industry expert by the National Alliance for Youth Sports, the US Olympic Committee’s Truesport, and the Aspen Institute's Project Play. Ian is also a suburban NJ sports dad of two teenage daughters and has over 2,000 hours of volunteer time coaching them (which he calls the most fun form of R&D for his newsletter content). Ian and his team provide players, coaches, parents and program directors with the articles and content they need to have a great sports season. Ian has spent most of his career in digital product development and marketing and got his start at the White House where he worked for the economic advisors to two US Presidents.
