Playing time is a critical aspect of an athlete’s development and enjoyment of their sport. However, at times, your child may want to discuss their playing time with their coach. Initiating this conversation can be intimidating for young athletes, but with the right approach, it can be a productive and respectful exchange. Here are some key strategies to help your child effectively communicate with their coach about playing time concerns.
Choose the Right Time and Place:
Timing is crucial when it comes to having a conversation with the coach. Help your child seek a moment when both they and the coach are relaxed and not occupied by other pressing matters. It's essential to find a private and quiet space where they can have an uninterrupted conversation. This demonstrates respect for the coach's time and ensures that concerns are heard without distractions.
TIP: Schedule time after practice or during the day. Remember that conversations can happen over the phone or on Zoom. While in-person is always best, there are other alternatives too.
Prepare and Be Specific:
Before your child approaches their coach, encourage them to reflect on their performance, strengths, and areas for improvement. Help them be specific about what they would like to discuss regarding their playing time. Instead of simply stating that they want more playing time, guide them to provide examples of instances where they feel they could contribute more to the team or specific skills they believe they have developed. This shows the coach that your child has thoughtfully considered the situation and is serious about their concerns.
TIP: Encourage your child to journal and self-reflect on their strengths and weaknesses as both a player on the field and as a teammate. Be specific. The coach may ask questions, and your child should be ready to be part of the conversation.
Maintain a Respectful and Positive Attitude:
Remind your child that their coach is responsible for making decisions that benefit the team as a whole. Encourage them to be open-minded and willing to listen to the coach's perspective. Help them avoid placing blame or becoming defensive during the discussion. Instead, teach them to express their desire to contribute more to the team and ask for constructive feedback on how they can improve. Demonstrating a positive attitude will increase the likelihood of a productive conversation.
TIP: Remind your child that they can't control others but they can control how they react to others or situations.
Active Listening and Seeking Feedback:
Teach your child that listening actively is an essential part of effective communication. While discussing playing time concerns, encourage them to pay attention to their coach's feedback and suggestions. Help them prepare questions to gain a deeper understanding of the coach's expectations and what they can do to earn more playing time. Guide your child to be receptive to constructive criticism and use it as an opportunity for growth and development. Demonstrating to the coach that they value their input will strengthen the relationship and improve chances of receiving increased playing time in the future.
TIP: Suggest your child ask their coach, “What can I do to help the team win?”
Commitment and Work Ethic:
Help your child express their commitment and dedication to the team and their personal growth as an athlete. Encourage them to discuss how they plan to work on the areas highlighted by their coach and how they will contribute positively, both on and off the field. Teach them to emphasize their willingness to put in extra effort during training sessions and show that they are a team player who puts collective goals above personal desires. Coaches appreciate players who exhibit a strong work ethic and a genuine passion for the game.
TIP: Coaches love when players practice on their own. This shows dedication, passion and the will to make sacrifices for the benefit of the team.
Initiating a conversation with a coach about playing time requires careful thought, respect, and open-mindedness from your child. The NFHS has a presentation that you can access for more details. By helping them choose the right time and place, being specific about their concerns, maintaining a positive attitude, actively listening, and demonstrating commitment, your child can have a productive discussion with their coach. Remember that the coach's decision-making process is complex, and the coach's guidance and feedback are valuable for your child's growth as a player. By encouraging open and respectful dialogue, you can help your child foster a healthy coach-player relationship and potentially increase their playing time.
Ian Goldberg is the CEO of Signature Media and the Editor of the largest and fastest growing sports parenting newsletter. He’s been recognized as an industry expert by the National Alliance for Youth Sports, the US Olympic Committee’s Truesport, and the Aspen Institute's Project Play. Ian is also a suburban NJ sports dad of two teenage daughters and has over 2,000 hours of volunteer time coaching them (which he calls the most fun form of R&D for his newsletter content). Ian and his team provide players, coaches, parents and program directors with the articles and content they need to have a great sports season. Ian has spent most of his career in digital product development and marketing and got his start at the White House where he worked for the economic advisors to two US Presidents.
